T.I.T. Podcast Episode 49: A Christmas Vidcast

Ho, Ho, Ho!  I thought I’d record a special vidcast for Christmas this year, instead of a podcast episode.  My partner agreed to sit down with me for a quick Merry Christmas to everyone out there, so please sit down and have a look and meet my partner for Christmas this year.  Lots of love and a very, very Merry Christmas to all of you out there!  (WARNING:  for some reason it seems to have been recorded quite loud!)

Email me at tominthai@gmail.com, please go Comment on my page or call my voice line at 1-206-426-2152 and leave me a voice comment for the show!

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Dear God…Can I Slow Down Now Please?

Good morning, afternoon, evening or night depending on where and when in the world this happens to find you.  It is a very hot and windy early Wednesday afternoon here in the Big Mango, and yes I’m writing a post here at work when I probably should be working…but oh well, right?  We’ve 2 days to go now till the big “to do,” goes down here at work and our super special V.I.P comes to help celebrate our 13th anniversary.  Yes…you read that correctly as we are having a big ceremony to commemorate lucky number 13 , and no…I don’t get it either.  I actually have my own ideas as to why this particular anniversary is being celebrated with such earnest, but I’ll just keep my mouth shut in the interest of my own job security.

Anyways, I have more important things to talk about as yours truly will turn 30 yet again tomorrow for the 4th year in a row now.   I know, I know…I don’t look a day over 29 but age maintains its assault on even me.  Don’t birthdays seem to come around faster and faster the more you have them, and I think I stopped being excited about them back in my mid to late 20’s.  I feel like this because thanks to birthdays I’ve gotten slower at losing the extra pounds, I forget important things easily and I’m both graying and losing my hair a bit.  Aging sucks doesn’t it?  Also, around this time every year I start to question myself as to my achievements and accomplishments gained thus far in my life.

So, I invite you to join me down this birthday checklist I go through in my head annually.  For starters, I’m a very loyal employee and loved by my boss though it is a really low paid dead end job.  I’m also on my 3rd year of a completing a graduate degree that would’ve taken me less than 2 years with half the effort if I were at home.  What else?  I live half the planet away from my family that I love dearly, but I have a stable loving relationship partner that I share my life with here in Thailand.  Further, My body is not physically what I want it to be, but I do have the free time and the means to take myself off to the gym 3 or 4 times a week.  I have a steady income, a nice roof over my head, and many people in my life that love me dearly.  Life may not be perfect, but is it ever for anyone?  Do we ever truly get everything we want in life no matter how many years go by?  I try to always balance the negatives with the positives, and I guess that is what keeps me sane.  I have my goals and though I may not reach them in the time frame I expect, you can be sure I will reach them.  I’m the most stubborn person I know!

So, on that note, I’d like to thank you so very much for stopping by to visit and share with me here.  I always appreciate all the comments i get and emails I have received since I started this personal journey through writing.  Also, thanks for the Happy Birthday wishes I’ve already received from some of you guys.  They mean a lot to me!  Take care of yourself where ever you may be, and talk to you again very soon!

The Stereotype of the Sexpat…

Good morning, afternoon, evening or night where or when ever this finds you in the world. It is just before 10 AM on a lazy overcast Sunday morning here in the Big Mango, and I thought I’d sit down and bang out another entry for your reading pleasure…or not as your tastes may be. Last night my partner and I departed from our usual routine and went out for a nice Saturday evening dinner. We visited a nice Thai restaurant called the River Bar for a nice meal. We drove across the impressive Rama 8 bridge/monument and had dinner on the Thonburi side of river. It was a very nice romantic dinner of baked fish, spring rolls, and sweet&sour pork. We don’t get to do those very often, unfortunately, due to my partner’s work schedule so it was a really nice thing for us to do together.

Anyways, I want to get to the topic in my head before it floats away into nothingness as things often do when they cross my mind. There is a ugly brush that is used to paint most foreigners living in Thailand that I’d like to address today with you. You see, there are a few assumptions or myths perpetuated by many if not most people ,both Thai and foreign, about us western men living here in Thailand:
1. The main motivation or factor for Western guys to move here to Thailand is sex and we only come here for the easy access to sex.
2. Western gay men are unable to be faithful and commit to monogamous caring relationships with only 1 partner.
3. Western gay men over certain age are only attracted to young dark skinned guys or girls.
4. Single western men have sex many times a week with random different partners for the purpose of one-night stands.
5. The sex industry in Thailand is caused by and used exclusively men from western countries.

So, firstly I for one did not move to Thailand for sexual reasons. I met my former Thai partner in the US while we were in school. We were together in the US for 7 years and I decided to give moving here a chance when the time came for him to move home. Also, I have another very close friend that moved here for a previously established relationship as well, and we have both agreed many times how these sort of racial stereotyping annoys us. To be perfectly honest, I really couldn’t even find Thailand on a map when i first met my partner, much less know about the sordid international reputation. Secondly, I know gay couples that have been together for decades and are just as happy being monogamous as some heterosexuals. The desire to step outside a relationship for sexual fulfillment is not limited to sexual orientation or race.

Thirdly, this idea in Thailand that all western men are attracted to very young dark skinned boys and girls is the biggest bunch of krap I think I’ve heard here. Everyone has different tastes in the world or else Baskin Robbins wouldn’t bother with 31 flavors. You don’t get to decide what your eyes find appealing so it is not fair to assume everyone of a certain age and race has the same tastes. Fourthly, I did not and have not ever engaged in a constant stream of one night stands on a weekly basis. This would apply here, home, or anywhere else in the world as my sex drive just isn’t high enough and perhaps I’m to picky. The randomness of meaningless one night stands has never appealed to me but I certainly wouldn’t throw stones when it comes to this point. To each his own, but my point is that it is just not me or my western friends.

Finally, I have heard many times over the years that the sex industry here in Thailand is perpetuated by the western male. This silly myth is easily dismissed by the presence of the massive structures used as “massage” parlors here in Bangkok around the ratchada area that cater almost exclusively to Thai clients. There is also a street called soi Thanaya here in Bangkok filled with “karaoke” bars that cater exclusively to Japanese clients seeking female short term companionship. However, I think westerners are more open when the frequent these type of establishments as it is not uncommon to see a westerner sitting in an open air bar with a “friend” on their arm for the evening. I think many Asian cultures are more private about such things, and thus the myth has been perpetuated that only westerners partake in such carnal activities.

I don’t know why I felt I needed to get that off my chest, but it is a conversation I’ve had with close friends very often. I wonder why it seems to be human nature to stereotype our fellow man? We are so quick to label one another as we pass in this world, but the world is a much more colorful place than we give it credit. There is a lot more depth of character out there passing you by, so next time you make an immediate assumption about someone I hope you pause to consider your thoughts again. Obviously, there are going to be those that fit your stereotype but not everyone wears the same size clothes, right? Anyways, I hope you enjoy your Sunday and will speak to you again very very soon. I’m thinking the next entry will be a video blog so make sure you stop by again soon!