T.I.T. Episode 39: And So It Goes…


•    Welcome to episode 39
•    Thanks for the Birthday wishes!
•    On turning 35…
•    Unpleasant Birthday news first thing in the morning!
•    Growing up with MJ in the background
•    Did you own parachute pants?  Thriller jacket?
•    Who knows what really happened…
•    My birthdays have toned down as I age
•    Tom doesn’t care for the Thai birthday tradition
•    High rise roof top dining in Bangkok
•    Lovely city from on high!
•    Saw the Transformers 2
•    Tom is a special effects junkie
•    Rude comments over on the Youtube
•    Anti-government conspiracy theories
•    Don’t tell me what happened, when I was there!!!
•    The latest bit of bad press for Thailand
•    Beware of those shops at the airport
•    British tourists got scammed for thousands
•    Corruption is beyond endemic here
•    The root of the problem is….see above!
•    One week to go till Summer Break
•    A sad day….Tom gets personal
•    We have been dreading this new chapter
•    600 dollars a month isn’t enough
•    Long distance relationships….
•    Is distance the same no matter how far?
•    Emails and comments from listeners
•    Love me some Tigger!

•    Closing remarks and love!

Email me at tominthai@gmail.com, please go Comment on my page or call my voice line and leave me a voice comment for the show!

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T.I.T Episode 2: The Journey

• New Intro jingle & Song: Get this Party Started by Shiley Bassey
• Welcome to episode 2
• Thanks for all the comments& encouragement thus far
• Last week of vacation and overcoming insomnia
• Not looking forward to going back to work
• I love Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts…”Charlie Wilson’s War.”
• Interesting side of an issue presented
• Why can’t more people see both sides of issues
• How did a country boy end up in Thailand
• Who is and how I met the professor March 1996
• When one night stands turn into relationships
• Lovers versus being best friends
• Knowing the end will come…or did I?
• The trial trip and final decision
• Blind leaps of Faith
• Still wasn’t enough in the end
• Why did I stay?
• Enough personal babble…
• Closing remarks and thanks again
• Closing Song: Temptation by Diana Krall

Always please feel free to email, message, question or comment and let me know how I’m doing. Thanks so much for all support and encouragement from everyone so far!

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The Stereotype of the Sexpat…

Good morning, afternoon, evening or night where or when ever this finds you in the world. It is just before 10 AM on a lazy overcast Sunday morning here in the Big Mango, and I thought I’d sit down and bang out another entry for your reading pleasure…or not as your tastes may be. Last night my partner and I departed from our usual routine and went out for a nice Saturday evening dinner. We visited a nice Thai restaurant called the River Bar for a nice meal. We drove across the impressive Rama 8 bridge/monument and had dinner on the Thonburi side of river. It was a very nice romantic dinner of baked fish, spring rolls, and sweet&sour pork. We don’t get to do those very often, unfortunately, due to my partner’s work schedule so it was a really nice thing for us to do together.

Anyways, I want to get to the topic in my head before it floats away into nothingness as things often do when they cross my mind. There is a ugly brush that is used to paint most foreigners living in Thailand that I’d like to address today with you. You see, there are a few assumptions or myths perpetuated by many if not most people ,both Thai and foreign, about us western men living here in Thailand:
1. The main motivation or factor for Western guys to move here to Thailand is sex and we only come here for the easy access to sex.
2. Western gay men are unable to be faithful and commit to monogamous caring relationships with only 1 partner.
3. Western gay men over certain age are only attracted to young dark skinned guys or girls.
4. Single western men have sex many times a week with random different partners for the purpose of one-night stands.
5. The sex industry in Thailand is caused by and used exclusively men from western countries.

So, firstly I for one did not move to Thailand for sexual reasons. I met my former Thai partner in the US while we were in school. We were together in the US for 7 years and I decided to give moving here a chance when the time came for him to move home. Also, I have another very close friend that moved here for a previously established relationship as well, and we have both agreed many times how these sort of racial stereotyping annoys us. To be perfectly honest, I really couldn’t even find Thailand on a map when i first met my partner, much less know about the sordid international reputation. Secondly, I know gay couples that have been together for decades and are just as happy being monogamous as some heterosexuals. The desire to step outside a relationship for sexual fulfillment is not limited to sexual orientation or race.

Thirdly, this idea in Thailand that all western men are attracted to very young dark skinned boys and girls is the biggest bunch of krap I think I’ve heard here. Everyone has different tastes in the world or else Baskin Robbins wouldn’t bother with 31 flavors. You don’t get to decide what your eyes find appealing so it is not fair to assume everyone of a certain age and race has the same tastes. Fourthly, I did not and have not ever engaged in a constant stream of one night stands on a weekly basis. This would apply here, home, or anywhere else in the world as my sex drive just isn’t high enough and perhaps I’m to picky. The randomness of meaningless one night stands has never appealed to me but I certainly wouldn’t throw stones when it comes to this point. To each his own, but my point is that it is just not me or my western friends.

Finally, I have heard many times over the years that the sex industry here in Thailand is perpetuated by the western male. This silly myth is easily dismissed by the presence of the massive structures used as “massage” parlors here in Bangkok around the ratchada area that cater almost exclusively to Thai clients. There is also a street called soi Thanaya here in Bangkok filled with “karaoke” bars that cater exclusively to Japanese clients seeking female short term companionship. However, I think westerners are more open when the frequent these type of establishments as it is not uncommon to see a westerner sitting in an open air bar with a “friend” on their arm for the evening. I think many Asian cultures are more private about such things, and thus the myth has been perpetuated that only westerners partake in such carnal activities.

I don’t know why I felt I needed to get that off my chest, but it is a conversation I’ve had with close friends very often. I wonder why it seems to be human nature to stereotype our fellow man? We are so quick to label one another as we pass in this world, but the world is a much more colorful place than we give it credit. There is a lot more depth of character out there passing you by, so next time you make an immediate assumption about someone I hope you pause to consider your thoughts again. Obviously, there are going to be those that fit your stereotype but not everyone wears the same size clothes, right? Anyways, I hope you enjoy your Sunday and will speak to you again very very soon. I’m thinking the next entry will be a video blog so make sure you stop by again soon!



This is probably the first post i should have written, as I always hear the same question from people when i first meet a new friend. Why Thailand? What made you decide to move to Thailand? How did you decide to move so far from home? I have heard these questions in various forms over the years, and so I thought it time to try and put to word how a country boy from Alabama ended up on the other side of the world.

The picture above was taken about a month after I started dating my first Thai boyfriend when I was a young 21. We met at a bar called the Quest in Birmingham, Alabama. I had gone out dance and drink the night away as i often did when when i was young. It was about half way through the night when I looked up from under my ball cap and noticed this asian guy staring me down from across the dark smokey dance floor. I looked a second time and tipped my hat up out of my eyes so i could smile back at him and that’s all it took. He immediately came out to join me on the dance floor, where I attempted to carry on some sort of introduction against the thundering thumping of some remixed Diva’s latest hit. We left the dance floor and went outside to the patio area to talk, and it was at this point i realized he couldn’t speak much English. He just laughed at most of what I said, which i thought at the time was cause i was charming, but in fact he couldn’t understand any of what I said and was covering by giggling at me constantly. The night progressed onwards and things went from there. We hit it off despite the language barrier problems, and started dating. After a few months we moved in together, and thus our life together progressed for the next 8 years. He was studying for his Phd at the University of Alabama and he convinced me to enroll to pursue my Bachelor’s degree a few months after we moved in together. He was in the US studying under a Thai scholarship program, so no matter what, at the end of his studies he would have to return to Thailand for good. This fact troubled us through the years we were together, and caused more than one fight as time went by towards an uncertain future.

However, in August of 2000 I made my first trip to Thailand with him to visit and explore the possibility of a life outside the US. We were on an airplane for what seemed like an eternity, and arrived in Bangkok about 24 hours later. I found the place fascinating, and every minute facet of every day life going on interested me when i first visited. Bangkok was so alive and chaotic. It was like a pleasurable assault on the senses and I fell in love with the place just as I had him so many years before. We were here for 2 weeks, and when we flew back to the US i vowed to myself that I’d be back for good. It was as alien to life in Alabama as possible, and in my books at the time, was the perfect cure to an ordinary life. I finished school and moved here in October of 2001, making my home here since.

Sounds like a happy ending right? Unfortunately, our relationship didn’t last a year living here for many reasons, but i’ll save that for another entry later. We’re still very very close friends, and he’s honestly like family. Our lives grew in different directions, and neither of us is resentful of the fact. When we separated i made the decision to stay and try to make a life for myself here in Thailand. I never look back, as i’ve always lived my life believing in moving fowards. Do I have regrets? Of course, as i wish i hadn’t burned some bridges behind me when i left the State and life here isn’t always easy. Soooo….I hope that clears up the mystery of me for some out there, and will share more as time goes by. Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far! Till next time….